Marriage is one of the strongest relationships which Islam stresses, encourages and considers as one of the prophets’ practices. Indeed, Islam attaches much importance to marriage rules and the rights of the spouses. There are adequate rules and injunctions to guarantee marital peace and stability. If those rules are respected and exploited every marriage will be successful and the issue of divorce shall not arise. The result of a happy home will be that couple will have no problem bringing up their children. The society will be better up for it as everyone will be enjoying peace, unity and stability. We can then have the world populated with people of integrity in all facets of life.
The first thing that every married Muslim must realize is that one’s wife is first and foremost a fellow Muslim. Both husband and wife should see each other as brother and sister in Islam. It is important to mention that all rights are available equally to both genders and there is no need of discrimination against any person on the basis of gender, colour and position.
I advise every Muslim to take as their duty and priority to read some books about how to conduct themselves and be of good ‘manner’(adab). If we as Muslims observe what is written concerning how to behave towards one another we will have no reason not to give respect and courtesy to every Muslim, and this will no doubt promote understanding and love in the Muslim families. The Prophet (SAW) said, “None of you has believed until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself”.
When you’re married, you only complete one half of your Deen (Religion). The aftermath of marriage is that the man has got his parents off his back. As a married person you become independent with enormous responsibilities which include having to fend for your family for the rest of your life.
In other to make your marriage successful, Allah (SWT) has prescribed a list of guidelines for husbands and wives, which if followed properly can lead to marital bliss.
Islam teaches that marriage is ‘half of Deen’ because it fulfills so many basic needs of an individual and of society. It is unfortunate that despite the rules provided by Allah (SWT) to govern marriage, we still have many problems in Muslim families, because we don't have a real understanding on how to get married islamically and as a Muslim partner what our rights and responsibilities are.
There is no confusion as to what duties and obligations husband and wife have toward each other. Unless and until we know that marriage is a binding contract and once signed by both parties they should respect all its terms and conditions, we as Muslims will continue to operate the laws of marriage wrongly. In the Quran, Allah states that if a husband wishes to divorce his wife and marry another, he may not take back any of the dowry which was given no matter how large it was. Then, Allah says in Quran 4 vs 21 that “How could you take it once you have entered unto one another and they (the women) have taken from you an awesome covenant”.
In the light of the injunction quote above, it is pertinent to say, marriage comes with an “awesome covenant”. This means to say that husband and wife should make it a duty to make each other happy taking into consideration that no human being is perfect, but that every person has his or her own weaknesses. They should learn to tolerate each other.
The Prophet (SAW) in particular advises husbands to treat their wives in the best way, perhaps due to their greater authority in the household and their greater strength. Bukhari recorded one of the Prophet’s Hadith which made it clear that:
“The best of you is the best of you to their family and I am the best of you to my family”.
“I entreat you to treat women well for they have been created from a rib and the most crooked part of a rib is the upper part. If you insist on straightening it, you will break it. IF you leave it, it will remain crooked. So, I entreat you to treat women well”.
So Allah and the holy Prophet (SAW) have given husband and wife certain rights, and it is incumbent upon both of them to obey those rights and discharge their duties accordingly. Husband and wife should do whatever is good that will promote love and preserve the family. Indeed, they are both responsible for the welfare of the family and neither of them should demand the other to do something beyond the capacity of the other partner in the marriage, as the Quran states, “And women have rights similar to those of men over them in kindness.” (Suratul Baqarah, Q 2 vs 228). Therefore, tolerance and kindness are required to create a prosperous life and help build a strong family.
Common rights among the spouse or Duties that is mutual:
The first duty among spouse is to have Amanah (Trust) in each other. The wife must know what her husband is capable of doing and the husband must also know what his wife is capable of doing even in his absence. Spouse must love each other from the bottom of their hearts. You must not marry each other because of wealth knowing that no condition is permanent and if there is no money again, the relationship might collapse.
We must also learn how to forgive one another’s mistakes because no one is above mistake. We should have the spirit of helping in time of need and also provide both emotional and financial and even material support as much as we can to the people in times of hardship. If the wife’s earning is more than that of the husband, she must support her husband and in doing so, she must not become proud and arrogant in the house because in any situation that comes around, the husband is still the head of the family. They must be kind to each other.
Husband and wife should not hide things from each other. The Prophet (peace be upon him) says:
“The people of the worst stature with Allah on the Day of Judgment are men who confide in their wives, and wives who confide in their husbands, and then they spread each other’s secrets around.”
Husband and wife should pass every night with each another. Women must tend to their husbands' needs even if they don’t feel that need themselves. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “If a man invites his wife to his bed and she refuses, and as a consequence he goes to sleep angry, then the angels curse her until she rises.” [Sahîh Al-Bukhârî].
This is a mutual duty. Regarding men, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said to his ascetic Companion Abû al-Dardâ’: “O Abâ al-Dardâ, you have a duty to your body, and to your Lord, and to your guest, and to your wife. Fast and break your fasts, pray, and be intimate with your wife. Give everyone their due right.” [Sahîh Al-Bukhârî]
It is necessary to remind with emphasis that spouse must adorn themselves in a reasonable manner. This is implied in the verse: “Be intimate with them in kindness.” and “They have as what is asked of them in kindness.”
Aminat Adesope is one of our Staff writers.
To be continued
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