DUTIES AND OBLIGATIONS OF THE HUSBAND TO HIS WIFE
Marriage is one of the strongest relationships which Islam stresses, encourages and considers as one of the prophets’ practices. Indeed, Islam attaches much importance to marriage rules and the rights of the spouses. There are adequate rules and injunctions to guarantee marital peace and stability. If those rules are respected and exploited every marriage will be successful and the issue of divorce shall not arise. The result of a happy home will be that couple will have no problem bringing up their children. The society will be better up for it as everyone will be enjoying peace, unity and stability. We can then have the world populated with people of integrity in all facets of life.
For instance the following among other things are the duties husband must comply with in a marriage:
Maintenance and residence: How is the amount of maintenance measured? The husband is expected to provide for his wife in accordance with his means. He should not be extravagant to be seen as a caring man. He should not be miserly, but do all within his power with love as Quran states: “Let the man of means spend according to his means: and the men whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allah has given him. Allah puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him”. (Suratul At-Talaaq, Q 65 vs 7)
Husband must be kind to his wife always, avoiding anything that will embarrass or humiliate her in any way whatsoever. Once married, man should not think that he is doing his wife a favour by providing for her. Indeed catering for the family is a duty and not a choice or option and it must be discharged by husband. The holy Quran said, “A man who neglects those who are under his care would surely be committing a sin”.
(Sunan Abu Dawud: 1692) The Prophet said, “When a man spends on his family, anticipating Allah’s reward in the hereafter, this act of his will be counted as an act of charity.” (Sahih Al-Bukhari: 4776; Sahih Muslim: 1401). He also said, “You will be rewarded for whatever you spend for Allah’s sake even if it were a morsel of food which you put in your wife’s mouth” (Sahih Al-Bukhari: 56; Sahih Muslim: 1628).
It is important therefore to remind that those who refuse, or neglect their duty to provide for their families despite the fact that they have ability to do so commit sin not only against the wife but against the entire family. When a Muslim man fulfils his duty of fending for his family, it is guaranteed that he will be rewarded abundantly by Allah.
It is an injunction that husband must be ‘Living with them in kindness and always be cheerful’. This means showing kindness and gentleness in word and deed and shun fault finding mission on his wife. As stated in Qur’an, “Live together with them courteously and in kindness. If you dislike them, it may well be that you dislike something in which Allah has placed a lot of good.” (Surat An-Nisaa’ Q 4 vs 19)
The Prophet said, “The believers who have perfect faith are those with the best character, and the best of them are those who treat their women the best.” (Sunan At-Tirmidhee: 1162). “The best of you are the kindest towards their wives, and I am the kindest amongst you to my wives.” (Sunan At-Tirmidhee: 3895)
One of the Prophet’s companions once asked him, “Messenger of Allah, what is the right the wife of one of us has on him?” he said, “To feed her whenever you feed yourself and to clothe her whenever you clothe yourself; do not slap her across the face, revile her or separate yourself from her except in the house.”(Sunan Abu Dawud: 2142)
A good Husband should have patience and tolerance: The Prophet also said in this respect, “A believer must not harbour any rancour against a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will certainly be pleased with another.” (Sahih Muslim: 1469). Men should understand and tolerate the nature of women which is obviously different from theirs. It calls for patience and forbearance by both husband and wife as the Qur’an states, “Do not forget to show kindness to each other”. (Surat Al-Baqarah, 2:237)
The Prophet said, “Treat women well and with kindness, for a woman was created from the rib and thus she will not be straightened according to your way. If you want to enjoy her, you will have to enjoy her with her twist. If you try to straighten her, you will break her, and breaking her is divorcing her.” (Sahih Al-Bukhari: 3153; Sahih Muslim: 1468)
The Prophet urges men to treat women with kindness and love bearing in mind that women’s emotional and psychological nature is different from that of men. The emphasis worth mention is that the difference in nature between man and woman is in fact complementary and that the nature of man should not be seen as superior to that of the woman such that it will give rise to discord and eventual divorce.
Spending Night with wife or wives: The husband is recommended to spend night with his wife and must do so at least once every four days. He must also observe equal division of nights between co-wives in the case of polygamy.
Defend and Honour His wife: As the Prophet said, “Whoever is killed defending his wife is a martyr.” (Sunan At-Tirmidhee: 1421; Sunan Abu Daawud: 4772). When a man marries a woman, she becomes his ‘honour’ which he must courageously defend even at the risk of losing his life in the process.
Not Revealing Bedroom Secrets: The Prophet said, “The worst person in the eyes of Allah on the Day of Judgement is that couple who have an intimate relationship with each other and the man then reveals their bedroom secrets to others.” (Sahih Muslim: 1437). The husband must not talk about his wife’s particularities and bedroom secrets to other people.
Do not engage in Aggressive or Hostile actions against your wife: If there are marital problems between husband and wife, there are some rules Allah has laid down to solve such problems and some of the rules are better explained as follows:
Problems may be solved through constructive dialogue and wisdom in order to correct mistakes. In the case of rebellion, disloyalty and ill-conduct, the husband may stop talking to the wife for such number of days which must not exceed three days. If the punishment of not relating with the wife for some days not exceeding three seems not to work, then the husband may temporarily deny her in bed by abstaining from the usual sexual intimacy, but in applying this second punishment he should not leave the house during the period.
The Prophet (SAW) said, “Never hit anything with his hand ever, except when fighting in the path of Allah. Nor did he ever hit a servant or a woman”. (Sahih Muslim: 2328)
A good and responsible husband should always teach his wife about her Deen (Religion) and advice her often: The Prophet also said in this regard, “Every one of you is a guardian and is responsible for those in his custody.” (Sahih Al-Bukhari: 2416; Sahih Muslim: 1829)
The husband must enjoin his family members to act rightly and not permit them to act inappropriately. He should strive hard to help them follow the path that leads to Paradise and avoid those paths that lead to Hell fire. Teaching them by example, he can do so by acting in obedience to Allah’s commands and avoiding things He has prohibited. The wife must also advise her husband, guide him to the right path and discuss with him ways of how best they both should train up their children. As the Qur’an states, “O You who believe, safeguard yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones”. (Surat At-Tahreem, Q 66 vs 6)
Honouring the conditions stipulated by the Wife: The husband must honour the marriage contract and fulfill the conditions stipulated in it. The Prophet said, “Of all the conditions which you have to fulfill, the conditions which make it legal for you to have sexual relations (i.e. the marriage contract) have the greatest right to be fulfilled.” (Sahih Al-Bukhari: 4856; Sahih Muslim: 1418). If the wife makes a stipulation at the time of concluding the marriage contract, such as having a particular kind of accommodation or expenses and the husband agrees to such a condition, he must fulfill such an obligation, for a marriage contract is one of the most solemn agreements and obligations.
A good Husband must support his wife physically, financially and in upbringing of children: Allah says: “And upon the father is the mother’s sustenance and her clothing according to what is reasonable. No person shall have a burden on him greater than he can bear”. Q 2 vs 233
The support of the wife is one of the most important duties she has to perform to assist her husband. Ibn kathir commented that the above verse implies that he must provide for her without being wasteful in everything he chooses to do for the woman in particular and the family in general. Wife is even allowed to take from her husband’s property without his knowledge if he falls below the basic level of supporting her. “take what is sufficient for you and your child according to what is customary”. (Muslim and Bukhari).
Providing for one’s wife is one of the most important obligations of the husband. In fact it is one of the distinguishing duties of man which is not expected to be abdicated. Allah said in the holy Quran that: “Men are in charge of women because of what Allah has given to some more than others and because they support them from their property”. Q 4 vs 34
If the husband does not support his wife, she has no obligation to fulfill to him. If a woman goes to a judge and shows that her husband will not support her, the judge may immediately separate them according to some scholars. It is therefore important for both Muslim men and women to know their marital duties.
Aminat Adesope is one of our Staff writers
To be concluded in the next write up
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