Family consists of husband and wife and their child or children. The hilarity that follows the birth of every child demonstrates the indescribable values of this gift of God to humanity. What it means is that what confers on anyone to be known as parent is the child. It is only when a person is blessed with a child or children that he or she becomes known as a parent. Parenthood comes with enormous responsibilities.
The training and upbringing of a child is an obligation every parent is expected to always perform. As a Muslim, please permit me at this junction to address my fellow Muslims. The relevant question to address is, what does Allah (SWT) say concerning training of children by Muslim couple? Proper upbringing of children is the responsibility of both the father and the mother in a Muslim home. Both of them are under obligation to see that every child born to them is well brought up.
It is wrong to leave the training of children to the woman only; therefore, the belief that it is the duty of the mother to ensure children receive necessary training is religiously wrong. This is probably borne out of the misconception that motherhood alone makes impact in the nursing, cuddling, playing, smiling, speaking kind words, caring for a child and that father by nature does not have these attributes, the argument which is untenable. Fathers are not made to provide for the families without seeing that things work well and those who hold the notion that only mothers are duty bound to train children are wrong.
In every home, father should maintain the role of a tolerant teacher. I reiterate that child-training should not be left entirely to the mother. Father should not behave like a lion at home. Haba, he is not a ruler or king over his family, but a trainer. It cannot work in a situation where some men decide to rule instead of training children. I am highly worried that some men conduct themselves as if their homes are a monarchy with the fathers occupying the throne.
Men should be close to the families to know what is going on. The situation where some men don’t involve in domestic activities calls for concern. Many men go out early in the morning and return late in the evening tired and therefore have no time for their children.
A father in Islam is the custodian of his household while a mother is the custodian of the house. Being the custodian of his household, a Muslim father is charged with the religious obligation of seeing to and sponsoring the overall education of his family members and providing for their material needs for the purpose of proper upbringing. The holy Quran, explaining the parental roles in an Islamic family, states that:
“Mothers shall give suck to their children for two whole years for he who wishes the sucking to be completed. They must be maintained and clothed in a reasonable manner by the father of the child”. Q 2 vs 233
“Lodge them in your own home, according to your means. Do not harass them so as to make life intolerable for them. If they are with child, maintain them until they deliver their burden”. Q 65 vs 6
A Muslim wife, on the other hand, being the custodian of her husband’s house is expected to be present at home for the purpose of house management and child care. Her presence at home does not however deprive her the right of taking up a vocation outside her matrimonial abode so long as such a vocational commitment holds no risk to the maintenance of her chastity and would not in any way prevent her from discharging the marital responsibilities bestowed on her by Allah (SWT).
Thus, since a father is obliged to struggle outside the home for the purpose of achieving the material comfort requisite for the maintenance of the entire household, the mother is hence not allowed to evade her responsibility of house care for the purpose of self indulgence or wealth accumulation.
In a nutshell, the obligation of a child training heavily falls on the shoulders of both parents and they will be accountable in the Day of Judgment for the ultimate personality of their offspring.
Muslim couples must therefore be dedicated to this religious duty. They need to understand that even by the dictates of natural law, their care constitutes far a greater factor in the making of their child or children than the teachings of any kindergarten class teacher or high school tutor. At home, for example, every gesture and movement of a child and his play and laughter arouse the attention of his parents while the child himself learns much from his attention and also gets much pleasure from it.
Any child who is not accorded the opportunity to learn ethics of affection from his parent or whose emotion is not boosted on his mother’s lap or through his father’s care can in no way be expected to show love and affection towards others later in life. It is therefore necessary that parents, particularly Muslim parents whom I am addressing in this article should always be available for their children.
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