The Yoruba people live in the south western part of Nigeria. According to the population census of 2006 the Yoruba ethnic group is about thirty million people. The Yoruba people are very hospitable and ceremonious in nature. The Yorubas believe that every ceremony or achievement should be heralded with a sumptuous celebration. They believe in celebrating any festival or victory won in an endeavour, as to them only the living will rejoice, and there is no more celebration in the grave. They are very lively and homogenous. However, I want to focus this write up on marriage ceremony among the Yoruba people.
Marriage is one of the important ceremonies in Yoruba land. The people are traditionally known for practicing polygamy. Marriage ceremony itself can be divided into three stages. They are the pre-ceremony stage, the introduction stage and the actual marriage ceremony. It is imperative to mention that even those who wish to celebrate their marriage under the Marriage Act still have to undergo certain traditional marriage rite before going ahead with the wedding.
The first step is when a young man sees a lady of his choice. Then he informs his own father who will in turn contact a respectable member of the girl’s family to break the news. This is behind the stage action as the two of them are not traditionally allowed to talk to each other directly at this stage. After the contact, if the woman’s family agrees to the proposal, then the two will be at liberty talk to each other directly. At this stage, the family of the suitor will bring a gourd of palm wine with three heads of kola nuts to the girl’s family. Their acceptance of this gift is an indication that the girl has agreed to marry the boy. Often time, the family of the suitor is under a duty to go to the girl’s family to help with farm work.
After some months the family of the girl will give their approval for the introduction. The introduction of the would-be spouse in itself is a great ceremony when the family of the man comes with a large number of people to the girl’s place on the day of the introduction ceremony. The suitor’s parents and relatives do go with a lot of items which include yam tubers, salt, fruits, alligator pepper, and palm oil just to mention a few.
The most symbolic of the gifts are kola nuts. Kola nuts are used in praying to the gods to prevent evils from befalling the couple when they eventually get marriage. Alligator pepper with hundred of seeds is presented as a symbol of fertility for the wife. The family members of the man are introduced first while those of the lady follow. The family of the bride prepares a special delicious food of their tribe with ‘bush meat’ to feed the guests.
It is in this introduction ceremony that the girl is formally asked whether she likes the man and is ready to marry him for better or for worse. The question whether the girl likes the man that is before the elders, and who has come to ask for her hand in marriage is usually asked three times. If she says ‘Yes’ each time the question is asked and the answer is in the affirmative that she likes and loves him, the suitor’s people who are present irrespective of the age, will prostrate flat on the ground thrice. This is an indication that it was the man's parents and relatives who begged the parents and relatives of the girl before their daughter was given to their son in marriage.
The actual marriage ceremony lasts for seven days. Usually, in the night the girl may not be aware, she would be tempted to come out of her house and the special age grade grab her and carry her up in the sky. If she does not struggle with them, they allow her to walk on her own till she reaches the husband’s house, but if she proves recalcitrant, they punish her severely before they get to her husband’s house.
On the third day of the marriage ceremony, the groom will sleep with the bride for the first time. If the bride is a virgin, some cotton wool or white handkerchief is used to soak the blood of virginity and send it to the family of the bride. Virginity is a pre-condition to honouring father and mother in-laws in the olden days. A lot of gifts are sent to show that the parents kept their daughter intact, but if not she is found not to be virgin, gifts such as half filled keg of palm wine, half filled match box are sent to the bride’s family, a symbol of impurity on the part of their daughter.
On the seventh day, the bride dances with a large number of admirers from her husband’s house to her father’s house. Another feast is made by her parents to entertain the large crowd that followed her. This is supposed to be her last journey to her father’s house. This time she carries all her personal effects and other valuables back to her husband’s place at night while going back. It is customary that on her return she should never meet her husband at home.
On getting there, before entering the house, the older wives in the kindred will get her water inside a calabash to wash her leg, and after washing her two legs, she will break the calabash into pieces. Their belief on this is that the number of pieces the calabash broke into is the number of children she will give birth to.
To draw the curtain, traditional ceremony, if handled, is by far more interesting than the modern wedding which is an alien to us as Africans. In Yoruba land, a woman does this once in her life time, whereas the man can do it as many times as he can afford as polygamy is the order of the day in traditional Yoruba society.
Aminat Adesope is one of our Staff Writers.
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